This was my 19th Birthday 

This was my 18th Birthday 

This was my 17th Birthday

This was my 16th Birthday

The photographs from my 20th Birthday party will be developed tomorrow, however my actual Birthday is on Saturday 30th May. I plan to spend the day with my family and at my brothers University Graduation show, something quite different from what I have done over the past 4 years. I see this as a sign of my exit from teenager-hood in the sense of my age. However as a new friend on mine recently said "I'm 20 now, but mentally I am still a teenager and think I still will be until the age of around 25. And even then I will only leave it kicking and screaming..."

I've been dreading no longer being a teenager since before I even turned 19, and I am still scared. However I am beginning to see it as a new era, in which I will hopefully feel more like myself in, a change I welcome.

This evening I realised that I have been desperately looking and waiting for somebody to come along and make me forget about all the things I dislike about myself with their own inner and outer beauty. I should instead concentrate on all the things I want and need to be, that I know I can and will be.  

I first discovered this secret on post secret many, many years ago. When I fist found it I probably would have hoped that by now, days before my 20th birthday I would have reached a happy place. I am happy, but there is so much more for me than I have now. I must always strive to be a better person, to who I will eventually be remembered as when I am gone. 

This evening I went on a ghost tour of Epsom, the town in which I live at University, with 4 of my closest friends here. After much laughing around and being silly we began to drive back home when all of a sudden my friend in the passenger seat inhaled so fast and jumped as the car bumped violently upwards from the right side. A sickening almighty crunch accompanied this movement. The next second I heard "we've hit a badger" and absolute uproar ensued while we decided what on earth to do next. The badger had literally run out right in front of the car and gone straight under the wheels so quickly that nothing could be done to save it. 

We went back to the badger moments later and saw that, thankfully, we had killed it straight away. I have no idea what on earth any of us would have done if the poor thing was still alive. We went home to fetch a spade and then back to where the badger was to move it as cars were swerving all over the road to miss hitting it again. However not every car did, and twice we heard a disgusting crunch of bones and thud against the oncoming cars that didn't care enough to make sure they didn't hit a huge object in the road.  

Eventually we moved the badger out of the road and headed home for hot drinks and to calm down, I had to stop myself being sick and/or crying while the cars hit as we tried to move the badger to the curb. While drinking our hot brews we were talking about what had just happened and how precious life is, one moment you can be laughing and joking and the next there is death and hysteria. One of my friends mentioned that she has lost her passion for life, that she doesn't spend any time doing things that she wants to do and spending time by herself, for herself.

I think however horrifying and disgusting this evening may have been, that it has at least showed me how suddenly things can change. I will take a positive from this by remembering that every moment must be cherished and that these tasks are a good and positive thing for me.

I thought you needed saving, but in truth I wanted you to save me. It won't happen.

The leaving time came way to fast

I want you to collapse, so I can catch you

So I can make you see, that you belong to me

Stick me to you, nature needs no glue

Always be true.

I will make you see, that you belong to me

Stick me to you, nature needs no glue

I could hold you tighter, and I could make you lighter

Than the air you've been breathing.

I've started making plans, so come on give me a chance.

Always be true. Uh-Oh-Ay-Ya-Oh.

La la la.

I got a thinking, drinking, sinking, feeling.

Now I know you are not who I wanted at all. And I will be ok.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night about something that had happened over the last few days and really, really annoyed me. As part of the conversation I confided in my friend that sometimes, even when I am surrounded by my my closest friends here at Uni, I feel lonely. My friends can all be happily laughing and chatting away with huge smiles on their faces and I will be miserable and unaffected by what they say. Maybe this is a self indulgent habit I have dropped into, I have been told by everybody from friends at work to people I scarcely know that recently I have seemed down, in a weird mood, sad. The friend who I was having this conversation with said that sometimes he also feels the same way. I think of all the hopeful attempts by my other friends from "I love you" to big hugs and reassuring smiles that knowing somebody else is going through the same crap as me has helped the most. 

I thought by concentrating on myself with these 101 tasks and trying to do things that made me feel accomplished because I wanted them would make me happy. And so far, ticking off my achievements, even the little ones I haven't yet shared with you, has made me feel good about myself. But there is still a long way to go and a big hole to be filled within myself. 

I hope along this new journey that I meet more friends like that one who told me he feels the same way as I do. And more friends who recognize that not all is well and try their best to make me feel better without knowing what is wrong. I also hope that I can be as good a friend to those who treat me so well.

65/ Visit at least one of the following places Venice, Rome, Barcelona, Milan, Switzerland, New York, LA

 Milan

At the end of June this year I will be visiting Milan for 4 weeks to study fashion styling at one of Italy's most prestigious Universities. NABA is conjoined with Central Saint Martins here in London and has a brilliant reputation, so when the opportunity to discover a new place and learn a new skill came along, I could not let it slide. 

I will be flying out to Milan on Saturday 26th June for 4 weeks of adventuring and learning in one of the cities I have always wanted to visit. I will be going alone and won't know anybody until I get there, where I will be sharing an apartment with a girl I have never met before. It is going to be such an amazing experience, I really hope I get as much as I dream from it. I can't wait! I am slightly terrified but so far my excitement far out stripes any apprehension I have felt about going to a foreign country in which I don't fluently speak the language or know anybody.

Keep your fingers crossed for me! 

88/ Interview a band that I like and have it published

As a part of a University project I went to the Great Escape Festival in Brighton last weekend with 3 Uni mates who are also really good friends of mine. While there we managed to pull off the absolute blag of the year by bagging a press pass each and interviews with The Rumble Strips, Mika Miko, Slow Club and The Mae Shi. I interviewed all the bands bar Mika Miko which Andy did and the Slow Club and The Mae Shi interview was a joined effort between myself and Natalie. Our video is going to be shown at Uni tomorrow so have no idea what grade it will get, despite this I am immensely proud of not only myself but my friends for managing to make this such a success. 

The interview that I did with Slow Club and The Mae Shi is also going to be published on the Amelia's Magazine website which I am very happy about. I have a few other projects in the pipelines for some more published work as well. I really can't get over all this happening, I couldn't be happier about my work at the moment!

Hello world,

so this is what I look like. Red hair, greyish eyes, freckles and little lips. I like to dress up everyday and spend FAR too much money on clothes as well as buying music, going to gigs, drinking & dancing , starbucks, day trips and all those sorts of things. I have begun a few other tasks within the last few days which I will tell you about soon when I have time to write about them properly and take pictures. 

Hope the world is treating you well,

Robyn Anne Lynch x

Task 54/ Work as hard as possible to gain at least a C+ grade on each piece of Uni work.

Today I took a step towards completing this goal as I received a B+ for a recent interview piece I did on the 1940s style pin up model Fleur de Guerre. This piece was also published on the Amelia's Magazine website, however that was before I started my new adventure so am not counting it towards another of my goals. I was so chuffed with this grade however I feel like I had one massive rush of good luck with securing the interview and how well it went. I was also on a bit of a creative roll as the 1600 words I wrote just rolled out of my finger tips in one evening. Despite this I feel I have been deserving something better than the B-/C+ grades I keep getting. Hopefully this is a sign of things to come.

You can read the full interview with Fleur on the Amelia's Magazine blog.

Follow this link for a documentary on The Maccabees and see why I rate them so much. I would love to be able to create pieces of film like this and have that much access to interview bands I adore. 

I have never been loved. I have never had somebody whisper, shout or even scream out that they love me. I have never been validated in that way. It makes me sad everyday and I always wonder what it is I am missing out on. Wether this is because I have rotten luck with boys, or because there is something about me that is unlovable I don't know. My mind often flitters between the two and I am not sure which is right.

It is not that I don't want love, or that I don't believe in it. I think that if its strong enough, then love can conquer all. That is what I believe in, but love doesn't believe in me.